


The face of the guilt

by Mad_Amethyst



Series: Silver's Journey Through Darkness [2]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: Angst, Canon Disabled Character, Canonical Character Death, Episode Related, Episode XX. (S03E02), Gen, POV John Silver, POV Third Person Limited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 15:36:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6200926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Amethyst/pseuds/Mad_Amethyst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John did not deal well with Muldoon's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The face of the guilt

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of a Black Sails challenge between [Sweety_Mutant](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweety_Mutant/pseuds/Sweety_Mutant) and me. You can read hers [there](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6188572/chapters/14179048)!
> 
> Rules: Seven sentences were picked up on this [dialogue generator](http://writingexercises.co.uk/dialogue-generator.php). Each chapter/part must have one of them in it (in the order we want) and be less than 1000 words.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Black Sails or its characters. I simply use them for my own pleasure. :)

John rubbed his eyes, slowly waking up in a hammock somewhere in the middle of the room. The crew’s quarters were curiously silent, not even a sniffing or snoring being heard, and for good reason: when he looked around, John saw that all the other hammocks were surprisingly empty. He frowned, wondering why he was the only one left in here. Did they think he was not fit for whatever the men were doing up there? Tsk… He could feel they were no longer in the storm, though. The ship was too stable. It seemed like she was not moving an inch, given that the hammocks were all still. Hmm… How weird.

He sat up and leaned, searching for the boot on the wet floor. As he took hold of it, he heard a voice coming from the entrance of the crew’s quarters.

“You embarrassed me this evening. You embarrassed the whole crew.”

He recognised who it belonged to without any difficulty. This gruff way of speaking, it could only be Captain Flint. But the tone, harsh and unforgiving, he did not expect that. He tightened his grip on the boot, feeling hurt by the words, and he sat up straight to look at the man in the eyes. Flint was standing to the left of the wooden staircase, against the wall, arms crossed and eyes full of disdain. John had a hard time not to be cowed by his sole presence.

“Why? What did I do wrong?” he asked, not hiding how upset he was because of the statement. He genuinely did not know what his mistake might have been.

The captain sneered at him, as he left his spot and came towards him. “You don’t even know, do you? You, worthless little shit. _You let him die_. He was a mate to you, a member of this crew you purport to defend, and yet you just watched him slowly drown before your eyes.”

John glared at the captain, remembering all too well the scene. “I tried to save him. I did everything I could to—”

“Clearly it was not enough,” Flint cut him, his look and voice even more scornful. The man paced up and down in front of him, his eyes still on him, as a predator watching his prey. “Or is it all you’re capable of now?”

Tsk… John knew it was just provocation. He would not play that game. “Don’t talk about it as if you were there,” he simply grumbled, lowering his eyes to put the boot on. Oddly, it did not hurt at all this time.

“How desperate he must have felt, having only a deadweight like you for help in such a moment.”

“Jesus, can’t you just shut up?!” John yelled as he rose up, ready to punch this condescending mouth. But he stopped in his tracks and stood still, fear and confusion taking him. His heart started to pound loudly in his chest. There was no one in front of him. Flint had disappeared.

And then, suddenly, he felt the breath in his ear, as the same voice whispered to him, “It should have been you…”

John woke up with a start, nearly bumping his head against the wooden wall behind him. He was covered in sweat, and his heart still felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. He groaned and rubbed his eyes, trying to calm down. He felt as tired as if he had not slept at all. The ship was not moving, and for a moment he thought he might still be dreaming. But no, he was not. The wound below his left knee sadly ached again…

The morning light came through the hatch, allowing him to see the men that were still hiding there. They were mostly sleeping or trying to, as he had been. He could hear many moans and groans coming from his hurt mates. It brought back the memory of Muldoon’s dead eyes to his mind. _“It should have been you,”_ echoed the voice of his guilt again. He shook his head to get rid of it. He had sincerely done everything he could to save Muldoon. The survivor guilt, he knew it would pass some day. The feeling of being so powerless, on the other hand…

His doubts were growing once again. Maybe he was really not fit for the role the crew had given to him. He could not prevent Flint from making them go through the storm. Worse, he had followed him when the captain had convinced everyone to refuse the pardons. Why? Why did he feel so small now compared to this man when he could lead him where he wanted before? Had he changed so much since then that he had even lost his most useful asset? He better get his shit together, and sooner than later, or he was only going to fall further…

At least, it seemed like the storm was definitely behind them. They had survived—and he had no doubt that Flint too. Up there, he could hear men talk, probably observing the damage the ship had suffered. With a sigh, John used all his strength to get up and limped all the way up to the main deck, curious to know where they were now and why the ship was not moving.

**Author's Note:**

> The sentence used for this part was: "You embarrassed me this evening." Honestly, I had a hard time with this, and I really hope the result is not too bad. :/ Anyway, if you liked it, you can let me know with a kudo or a comment, as usual.


End file.
